Here are two not-so-shining motherhood moments, and they both happened today!
1) When the kids got into the car after school, Helene said, "Mommy, you need to wash my school water bottle. It has moss in it." Lovely. She brings it home at the end of the week to be washed, and she keeps it on her desk at school all of the next week, filling it up with fresh water every day. I am 95% sure I washed it this weekend. But, then again, as I confessed to a friend earlier today (before this incident, coincidentally), sometimes Helene leaves the water bottle in the car on Fridays, and since it never makes it to the house, it never gets washed. I have been known to just stick it back in her backpack on Monday morning, thinking: "It's just water. . ."
2) Just hours later, driving home from Campbell's gymnastics class, the kids said they were hungry. I had thrown an individual pack of Ritz bits in the car yesterday - this peanut butter kind:

I had just found them in the pantry a couple of days ago while scouring the cabinets for Reese's peanut butter cups I hoped would be hiding somewhere (they weren't). I have no idea how long these crackers have been in the pantry. So, we each popped one in our mouths at the same time this evening and immediately spit them back out. They were rancid. I passed out tissues to wrap the disgusting remains in, quickly followed by peppermint gum to try to save our palates. Ugh! I thought "food" like this that was packaged with all kinds of preservatives would surely last forever. I was wrong.
And that, friends, is why I have disqualified myself for the Mother of the Year award, in one short afternoon.